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i just wanted to feel wanted, feel respect, actually be someone. i was always the brother who lived under his siblings shadows. at a young age back when this all happened i used to think its cool having family in prison, i wanted to be cool i wanted to be a “gangsta” so i started making money from the only way i knew at the time which was stealing. after i gained around £400 i started selling drugs (cannabis) more i made more i sold. i kept on making more and more, i even got some of my older friends to join me with it. before i knew i started going school high i was an addict. i was addicted not just to weed but to the way i felt when people looked at me and the respect they gave me. during this time i met a girl… she was to kind to me and well i was horrible to her, i never hit her but how i was i might as-well have. she tried getting me to stop doing what i was doing, in the end she just told herself i wasent ruining peoples lives. 8th of march day before my 16th birthday, i was arrested at my house for passion with intent to supply. i was afraid they had the drugs the cash and the statements from witnesses. my solicitor said i was looking at jail time if the charge me as a adult. i was on bail for a few months. during this time business carried on as usual. at the next bail date i was told i should tell the people i care about i might be going away for a short time. i told her about it and she said this “if you go prison, im gone” then she said some other things which basically meant if i don’t stop selling and taking drugs i wont be in her life. so well that hit real hard. intently everything had become clear i never wanted to be popular or have all the respect. the only thing i wanted is to be loved, for someone to care for me, someone to just be there.
long story short. i had managed to prove i was a change person after the 6th bail hearing. i had reached above my target grades a school with voluntary work to back my statement as being a changed person. i am currently at college and im not with the girl anymore but what she did for me i owe her my life.
let me leave you with a poem i wrote.
out of this prison,
out of this cell,
out of my life,
i was living in hell,
she brought me the key,
she opened the lock,
she gave me her all but then i forget.