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From the age of 7 I have had to experience; my parents divorce, my sister running away several times, friends and family overdose or kill themselves, my dad dying of cancer and having to carry his coffin at 15 years old, abused physically and mentally throughout high school, addicted to drugs by 14. Okay I know kids have been brought up worse, though it all affects the same! We feel worthless, useless! I tried to top myself 4 times, each time it failed for me, I guessed it was saying something but after each time it got worse or not any different! I couldn’t bare it! So now I’m resorted to weed and speed, sometimes at the same time, as long as I can’t remember anything and just focus on what’s interesting! However now, I’ve cut down on weed but this past week I have had on average 4-5g of speed or coke a night! In fact I’m currently writing this while buzzing. I feel weird… The thc makes me drowsy and tired but the speed is making me active and my mind is like a pinball, I think I’m getting a problem, I sit up all night sleep for an hour and wake up for work and need more cause I’m too tired and it’s catching up, I’m in a total trance, focused. My own thoughts are even scaring me and I don’t even know why! Everytime I sleep I keep having vivid nightmares, I wake up screaming some nights, drenched in sweat. I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s certainly not going to be good!