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I once thought that my life wasn’t normal but what is normal. It means “conforming to the standard or common type”.It wasn’t like I thought I was special or I wasn’t told I was unique. I just knew I was different to other people.

I was born in Dublin in the Coombe Women and Infants University Hospital. When I was three my mother died in a car accident on Christmas eve. She was hit by a drunk driver,I never really remembered my mother and well my father .

My father took care of me after she died. When I was ten as usual I was waiting after school for my dad to collect me it had been a while since I had to wait this long. It had been at least two maybe three hours since school ended then.

A car pulled up I didn’t really look up since many cars drive by. A small little woman stepped out of a blue mini car and began to walk towards me. I didn’t know what to do so I just dropped my bag as it hit the ground i ran i didn’t really know where to run to so I sprinted down the sports field as I ran down the field with the grass brushing agenst my legs. I could feel my heart beating through my chest.

When I felt as i could not take another step that’s when she touched my shoulder well I it wasn’t really a touch more like she grabbed my shoulder. I remember that feeling like someone cared for me again she cared enough to chase me down that field. She took me back to her car. As she began to explain to me why my father didn’t collect. She told me her name was Carol and that she was a social worker here to help me because my father was “Unfit guardian to care for my needs”.At the time I didn’t know what this was saying but she dumbed it down and then said “sweetie this means that you have to come with me, you have to go some where safe”. i asked her what she ment because I taught I was safe with my dad.

A little later on we returned to the apartment where I was living at the time . When I entered the apartment I didn’t really think about it but this would be the last time i would be in my dirty stinky old apartment that I didn’t know at the time but that I really loved. when we went into the apartment their were two police guards there but as I looked through the apartment I couldn’t find my dad. I began to shout for him maybe he was hiding then I decided I needed to leave before they took me away forever.As I ran for the fire escape Carol grabbed me.

i began to scream but all Carol said was that I had to get my things so we could leave, that day she promised me that i would see my father again and that when I was safe I could call him.So when I had calmed down,I entered my bedroom and picked up my things.I didn’t have much though.

I only had
-my sunday clothes
-a pair of white pumps
-3 pairs of socks
-3 pairs of pants
-a pair of jeans
-a yellow school camp t-shirt
-my hair brush
-blue pyjamas

When I had put it all in a plastic bag carol called me out and said that it was time to leave I thought I would be back so I didn’t mind leaving but this was a mistake. I got into carols car, i buckled up and she said that we were going to a care home where there were other children that had to spend time away from there parents.I didn’t really care about who else was there because i knew that I wouldn’t be there for long but boy was I really wrong.

When we got to the care home I was scared to get out of the car. carol told me not to be scared that she wouldn’t leave until I was ok. I hopped out of the car and carol grabbed my bags(which was only 2). I didn’t really want to go in because once I went in I would have to stay there until my father came to get me.As I stepped closer to those two big red doors, I felt like I couldn’t stop myself all I wanted to do is run away back to my father. He wasn’t a good dad but he was my dad and for all of it I love him.To this day I still don’t know what happen’d to him if he is in jail or just decided he didn’t want me.

As I stepped through those two large doors a woman welcomed me said her name was Alice and that she could show me to my room. I think she could sense that I was scared well I guess that all children who go there for the first time are scared its a strange place. All I could think on my way up is how many people live here? and who are they?

On my way up I met twin boys. There names are Harley and Jamie, they were 11 when I met them. They were complete oppsites Harley had a brown hair buzz cut hair do and only wore jeans and leather jackets but Jamie had a blond afro he would only wear trousers and t-shirts.

When we arrived on the third floor three girls walked out of one of the rooms. There names are Aoibhe,Louise and Maeve. Aoibhe and Maeve are sister at the time they were 13 and 7. Aoibhe had long blonde hair, she was really tall as well. Her little sister Maeve had blonde hair as well but her hair was in a bob with a fringe.Louise was also 13 she has black hair and was quite short.

When I got to the room it was painted pink with only a bed and wardrobe in it, they said that I could decorate the room the way I wanted.I said ok but this made me wonder if I was only supposed to be here for a couple of days while they find my dad. I left my things in my room and they escorted me down stairs.

I had told carol in the that I was hungry because I didn’t get any lunch.My dad had forgot to do the shopping so there wasn’t anything in the apartment. She told me that I could get something when we arrived. In the kitchen a man by the name of Mark.He made me a sandwich. I can remember that sandwich and I honestly think it was the nicest sandwich I ever had. After that I had another sandwich and a cookie. I was finally stuffed which I hadn’t been in a long time.

Carol sat down beside me and asked if I was alright, she said that if I wasn’t ok that she could stay but if I was alright that Alice would stay with me because she had to go take care of another girl. I didn’t really want her to leave but if another girl needed her then I new she had to go.So I said that it was alright that I would be fine.

Alice brought me upstairs to unpack my bag. While Carol sorted things out with Mark. I sat down on the bed and began to full out my clothes. Then Alice gave me a strange look because she realized that my clothes were all dirty. She asked me if I wanted to come down with her to get some fresh sheet and clean pyjamas for that night. I said ok and we went down stairs, Alice also took my clothes with her to wash.

On are way past I saw Carol and Mark in the office, they were arguing this reminded me of when my father would get drunk and shout at me for not cleaning up or because I was up when I wasn’t supposed to be up and he had a girl over. These things made him angry and I didn’t like when he got angry because he would also get violent I was once in hospital because I had 3 broken ribs I had to tell the doctor i fell down the stairs in are building but he actually hit me with a chair a couple of times but he said I deserved it. I came home from school early even though he told me to go to the cafe down the street and wait there for his to come and get me. When I come home he had a girl over and then she left when she saw me. I also had a conclushion but I didn’t know what that means at the time but now I know that its serious.

The sound of them arguing made me scared so I ran under a table that was in the hallway. Alice turned back as she could also hear the arguing but what she actually saw that made her glad she turned around was a little girl in ball hiding under a table mumbling “please daddy I’m sorry please don’t DON’T DON’T DON’T”.

Alice ran to my side lifted me out from under the table. She began to whisper so softly “every thing will be okay. your dad isn’t here he cant hurt you. your safe” Carol ran outside to see if I was ok and at this point i was just glad they had stopped shouting and it was all just like a bad dream. when I had calmed down in the office all of the other children who I hadn’t really met were eating dinner.

Carol had brought me upstairs to rest for a bit but all I really wanted to do was have dinner I told them that I was fine and that I was ok to go down for dinner.Then Alice knocked on the door to see if I was up for some company. Alice said that Carol had to go now because there was a call for her down stairs.So we all went down stairs Mark was waiting he showed me into the kitchen for dinner when I came in their was ten other children sitting at a long table. I only met five of them so there was alot of new faces at the table.I sat down and I think the other children had began to notice the brusses on my face. People don’t usually have brusses on there face and I know that people stare I just try to ignore them.

After dinner all the children went into the common room.I thought that I was supposed to do the same so I followed them in a girl caught me in the hallway her name was Kelly she was also ten. Kelly told me that she was staying in the room across from me and that she knows that the first night is the worst so if I needed to talk that she was there.I was thankful for her. Kelly told me about the rules and where if I stayed I would be going to school.I told her how I was only here until my dad returned.

When we entered the game room Jamie and Harley asked us if we wanted to play cards so I said sure and so did Kelly. After a couple of games of cards Carol came to see if I was alright after the days events. She asked if we could talk for a couple of minutes so we went into the office to talk. Carol asked me about the visits to the hospital and asked me if my dad hurt me I felt like I should tell her the truth. i told her that she couldn’t tell my dad that I said this but yes when I did something bad he would punish me but he said that I deserve it.

Carol began to explain to me that it wasn’t my fault. At first I didn’t really believe her that it wasn’t my fault but she began to explain to me that no one person deserves to be brussed and beaten the way I was and that I deserved a safe and loving home where I can sleep through the night without being afraid to close my eyes because I am all alone. Or to wait in the cold outside for someone to collect me. Carol told me that if I told her everything then she would make sure that he would never lay a hand on me again. So I decided to come clear about everything I told her about it all, the lonely nights in the apartment, the hospital visits that weren’t what they seemed and the evenings at the side of the road it all.

On my way out of the office suddenly a loud banging started on the door, I didn’t really like loud noises but this sent a chill all the way down my spine so I felt like I should run but before I could.

Mark opened the door slightly but then someone forced the door open fully. once that door opened I felt like suddenly I couldn’t move. It was my father. He pushed through too get to me but before me could mark stopped him. Carol told that she had called the police and that they were on their way. He didn’t take this very well and once they said it, he shoved Mark into a wall then once he did this Alice pulled me over behind her. I was so scared that I started to shake.

The next thing I heard emigetly calmed me down I think that the sound of sirins is the best loud noise you could hear but I didn’t really like what hapend next the guards came in and arrested him. The look on his face as they dragged him away in cuffs.At that moment I knew if I saw him again it would be a miracle.At that time I didn’t think I would want to see him again.

After this unsettling moment the other children emerged from the common room, all I could do was stand there shaking as everyone stared at me. Alice and Mark quickly moved the crowd that was forming along. I didn’t really want to move I was still too afraid to be alone in case he came back to get me.

My dad was the only person that I had in my life but in one day I had a friend named Kelly, a social worker named Carol, Alice and Mark but I still felt alone. Like even though their were many people around I was behind a glass wall so I could only watch people be happy not actually join in with the happiness. Carol brought me into the quiet room when her phone rang that “DING DING” made me jump out if my skin. Carol answered the phone she said she’d be back in a minute that she had to take the call. I pleaded with her not to leave me alone.So she got Kelly to come in.

Kelly didn’t understand what happend but I didn’t want to talk about it so I asked Kelly about the school she goes to. She me told all about it and for a little bit I forgot, it was nice not worrying, to not be scared.

It was now late evening and I was tired I didn’t usually sleep well but I had a feeling that tonight it would be easier to sleep.
Carol came in and asked Kelly to go and thanked her. She said that she had to go because it was getting late but that she would come back soon to see how I was. Alice came in, to say that she had a pair of pyjamas for me and my clothes would be clean and dry in the morning.

Carol left and Alice brought me up stair to get ready for bed I was still shook up from the days events so she stayed and helped me get changed as I pulled off my top, Alice when silent mid conversation but she was staring at me so I asked her what was wrong she asked if my back was sore which it was so I told her that. She paused for a minute and asked me what happend to my back and chest. I didn’t like to talk about but I decided why not he couldn’t hurt me now.”When I did something wrong he would hit me with his belt and when I didn’t do what I was told he stood on my chest and belly”.

Alice asked if I wanted to go in and brush my teeth before but I had left my toothbrush in the apartment so I got a spare from Alice.When I returned to my room Alice was gone this scared me I didn’t like to be alone. I knew what room was Kelly’s so I knocked on her door and went in to see her. She asked me if I wanted to sleep in her room tonight until I settled in. I thought this was a great idea so I wouldn’t be alone. Alice came back to the room to see how I was but I had gone and so she began to shout my name I came out of Kelly’s room to ask Alice if I could stay there tonight. She agreed for one night and then I would have to stay in my own room.

That night I slept the hole night which I don’t think I had ever done before this. It felt great, no banging shouting or screaming at all. I finally felt safe enough to sleep, to fall into a deep sleep where I could actually rest.

The next morning I got dressed into the clean clothes that Alice left in my room. When I went down stairs Mark was in the office talking to a man and woman who I didn’t recegnise but I just continued walking down the hall as I got closer to the kitchen I could hear everyone, when I came in I sat down at the table. They passed me down a bowl and a box of cereal it wasn’t any special cereal but it tasted so good I had never tried cereal before because I usually only had lunch and supper. I had an ingilling that people were staring because i was seating it without milk but how was I supposed to know that you eat with milk I didn’t have it before that day. After breakfast everyone else went off to school but Alice and Mark told me that I couldn’t go back to my school that I was going to start in a new school on Monday but for today I would stay home with Mark and Sadie.

Sadie was four she went to daycare four days a week. For most of the day I was in town with Mark and Sadie, they were doing grocery shopping and we also went to the park for an hour or so. When we returned to the house most of the other children were home.

Kelly was home but she had begun to do her homework so I thought even if I wasn’t going back to school I might as well do my homework while all the other children were doing theirs. I always loved school it was six hours of safety for five days a week.I completed my homework just in time to help prepare dinner before this I had never tried a home cooked meal but I was eiger to try one. I set the table put out glasses and such. just as I was finishing setting the table someone came through the side door because of what happend last time I hid under the table but it was only Carol and Alice

They asked to speak with me before dinner so we went down to the quiet room to talk. Alice told me that she had shared what she saw with Carol and what I had told her. I felt quite betrayed as I told those thing in confidence. Carol asked if it would be ok to take a photograph of my back and chest I said it was alright if she promised me that I would never be returned to my father and that she could keep me safe. Carol sat down next to me and began to say that no one would ever touch me the way my father did again so I allowed her to take the photos.

Dinner was the best thing I had ever eaten. Mark was happy to no that someone appreciated his cooking. After dinner I met Camren and Willow who were siblings. Willow was 10 and Cameron was 12 they had been there for a couple of years now. Kelly, Willow and I went into the common room to play a board game. I had never really had friends or a safe place to live and in 24 hours I had two best friends and a safe place to stay where I wouldn’t be hurt.

I wish that what I was writing the truth. This is what I wanted to happen, what I wish would happen but this hasn’t happend yet. I do hope one day I have a life filled with a safe place to live, people who care for me and friends who I may share my problems with. But until then I will continue to write these stories of the life I wish I had. So long I will write again soon.
M.M.