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Growing up I was the less attractive of my sisters. I was called fat, ugly and bald headed by my own siblings, those very same sisters and brothers of mine shared the same mother and father as me but yet I was not beautiful enough in their eyes. There were days that I would cry to myself, punch myself,scratch and pinch my flesh hating myself for being born the outcast of the family. This hatred for myself grew stronger as I got older it was as though my mom didn’t love me the same way that she loved everybody else….. When it came to me I didn’t get the same attention as they who were involved in sports like football and basketball even when I had tried out a sport that I had really liked and was doing so well in, even made it to nationals but that dream was short lived I had to give that up due to a misunderstanding between my parents and my track coach. After having to quit the track team I continued to focus on my art work.
Writing poetry and drawing had always been my go to when things around me got hectic somehow I was just able to express myself through lines on paper or a blank canvas. During my sixth grade year of middle school I had gotten a poem published and that was a dream come true. My english teacher gave me all the praise and so did the other students whose poems had also got a spot in the book. I had let my mom Know of my accomplishment but was brushed to the side because my big sisters basketball game was more important at the time. After the game I went to my room and let the tears fall from my eyes in private I threw that book as hard as I could onto the floor and thought to myself nobody cares about me. Not only did I not have anyone who I could share my feelings with in the home I didn’t have anyone outside of my home either.
Friends growing up weren’t friends at all but users that would tear me down talk about me behind my back and at times laugh at me infront of my face. Things had gotten so bad for me that I didn’t want to live anymore. I stopped eating, my grades in school started dropping I wasn’t myself anymore all I could do was cry. I missed out on a lot in high school from dances to sporting events even my high school graduation.
My mom and stepdad had got into an arguement days after the graduation date thats when I was kicked out and living on the streets. I was able to live with my grandmother for a couple of months until I had found a job and never once did my mother check on my well being she never anwered my phone calls or even call my grandmother to see how I was doing. She would pick up my sisters and brothers take them out to eat, take them shopping even lend them money but when It came to me it’s a different story.
As I got older I have found that she never really loved me she acts as though I am a burden to her when I have never done anything wrong or anything to hurt her except love her beacuse she is my mom. I just wished I knew why she dont love me the same, or how come she doesn’t have the time to stop by my house like she does everyone else or why my daughter doesn’t get to have a grandma like the other grand kids. It hurts me it really does when this woman tells my daughter that she is going to come visit her and doesn’t and my daughter gets all sad and wants to cry because she doesnt think that grandma loves her like her cousins its that same abandoned feeling that I have always had and now my daughter feels the same way.