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THIS IS MY INTRODUCTION. DO NOT READ IF YOUR UNDER 18, MY STORIES ARE REAL AND HAPPENING TO ME. I don’t want to write this in fear of some kid who I view similar characteristics with will be hurt or taken even further in a mental depression by reading this. I am a survivor and so are you and through my painful memories, I do not wish to tell my story for a pity part, but to just say and evaluate how I deal with my demons, which lets face is a story that we all have and if you dont bless your soul, its only a matter of time. To whom ever gets lucky to read it. I like to think we are Avatars, beautiful creatures with a strong ability to connect with one another and our planet. Hoping not to sound like a crazy Green Peace lady(no offense.), but I feel I may have finally broken a veil over my innocent eyes, forever changed. This blooming of sorts is one that is taking a hold of the last part of my dysfunctional past. I set this up for the mere fact of therapeutic release that I have worked with mine, who has always said to express my past and move, hoping this does.
I didn’t expect to love this long to be honest. I felt that my delicate sensitive heart was going to be the end of me when I was 4 years old, holding onto my arm, like it was the only thing I ever knew when fists were in my face, hands up my back, ass, groin area, men and women. Old and young. I knew from a young age that we are never safe, even if its to say from your own family. Its an age old story in both my Native American and Mexican American households. The God’s my ancestors worshiped had punished our people for our greed and didn’t leave someone who had the power of heart for generations till the day I was born. I broke the stubborn, monster that my family fed instead of the patient and loving animal we all have inside. It’s all on who you feed more. I have been a wolf of different pack, always. I never had male friends growing up and even worse as an adult. Females have been so closely related with me, I had identification issues according to my parents, because all I ever saw were women and I couldn’t help being feeling but the product of my environment. Yet most females have always hurt, with their overwhelming thought and emotions, I don’t understand how they do it. I like to think of myself as a Man, not just for the genitalia between my legs, bt more so, I am human and it is what allows me to evolve and be a sum greater than its part.
This short introduction is for my stories to come, will hopefully not be redundant but a daily log to check in and be someone who maybe can be related with another and if not, I at least am no longer passive aggressive and never said anything. As I am getting older, I am just being more quiet in person than I ever been because I didn’t ever say my two sense and no one cared and as I grew up, saying shit to correct people was my m.o. but I am growing up. If people choose to act like monkeys and with no class, its their issue not mine.
I am going to write this with no hang up’s and I don’t really want someone to like this but I like who I am becoming who I am suppose to be and I don’t need another jerk off being mean, and judgmental towards me. Yes, maybe no one will ever make a monument dedicated to my legacy or a great biography as Sojourner Truth. But I was a man who did his best and left the next person who will hold the gift of a bright future and one with love, instead of cell phones and materialistic things that should have no merit in our lives but we are glued like flies attracted to lamps.
I hope who ever is brave to keep reading understands my story will hopefully keep being written and keep believing as each letter fits into a word, let my words find a a chord in your heart that relates with you to help you find the bravery you need to look courage in the eye and stand your ground!!!!